Relationship skills good men have and love. Be honest with yourself. Do you have relationship skills. Many don’t because of their experiences or backgrounds. If you were trying to get a job you would have to have the ksa’s or knowledge skills and abilities. You need more skills to increase your value in the job market. The same goes for relationships. Many people are upset that they are not getting results in dating but they aren’t displaying an adequate amount of relationship skills.
This shouldn’t be taken as me chastising women to be their best for every man. These are the skills that every good loyal deserving man should have and at some point be privileged to. Women are my audience so I address them directly.
1. The ability to argue constructively. Without fighting. A calm gentle woman who argues with intelligence more so than emotion will more often than not have a healthy level of communication in her relationship. Intellect is usually more relatable than emotion to men. Losing a just intelligent argument feels better to a healthy man than winning and emotionally charged fight. Arguments based on logic are often more like to be solution centered on solving a problem. Emotional fights are generally focused on either winning or losing over your partner. The tone of the argument usually overshadows the issue that caused it almost always resulting in hurt feelings and no forward progress on the issue itself. Women who can remain logical while debating and avoid emotional blackmail are every stable mans dream. Emotion in extremes disconnect us and it’s harder for men to empathize with that which they don’t understand. Speak the language of logic to try an stay connected to your man throughout disagreements.
2. The ability to have and express love and gratitude consistently. Not just when you’re happy. Men often learn say what you say when you’re happy as a symptom of the moment, not as the steady condition of your relationship. Especially their woman deals in emotional extremes or is just as expressive in anger as she is in happiness. Men often start to subconsciously measure the apparent average baseline of your satisfaction in the relationship. Thats why it’s important that we demonstrate our love and appreciation for our partners in small ways consistently. When there’s nothing special happening. Or when it be otherwise be inconvenient. Some people only treat love like a verb when they are happy.
3. The ability to accept a challenge or self correct. It takes a lot of maturity to accept that we aren’t perfect. Especially when fairly challenged by our partners to improve. It’s so easy and point a finger back at them which may be valid but unchanging of the truth they’ve presented to us. Which is we are flawed in a way that’s disruptive to our relationship. When we’re not doing the things required to help our partners retain their connection to us it’s in our nature to try divert their attention to the things we are good at instead of allowing ourselves to be corrected and committing to improve. While no one is perfect we should all be willing to evolve out of respect for our partners.
4. The nature to love without setting obligation ,not keep score or comparing or competing. If it’s one thing that good men and women can’t stand is a partner who’s competing for the better partner or who has it the worst in the relationship. People who keep score always harbor resentment because they keep counting and miscounting who’s working harder in the relationship. They minimize everything their partners do and magnify everything they do. They can be incredibly hard to please and their good works can feel like obligation traps. Whatever good works you do in your relationship do it out of love. Not because you’re trying to reserve the right to complain or throw it back in your partners face.
5. The ability to state your needs without needing your partner to guess. I know we want to make things as easy as possible on us, however we often make things far more complicated than they have to be by refusing to adequately communicate our needs to our partners. The best partners build an open and dependable line of communication. They don’t let things fester or grow frustrated while they wait for you to guess or decode their needs. They don’t let things go long enough to harbor resentment. They can and will share things with in a way that keeps you in their loop. Most failing relationships have one partner in the darkness about what’s truly went wrong. Many times neither are aware of each other’s unmet needs.
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