Hi, my name is Allyson. I’m 14 years old and I live alone with my mother. The thing is, she has some problems and I don’t know what to do. My life has always been a little different than most people’s. I guess I need to go back a few years to give you an idea of what I’m talking about. So, at first, I had kind of a normal family I guess. My parents both seemed normal. They went to work and paid bills. I went to school and had sleepovers with friends. Everyone just did what normal people do. But then it all kind of fell apart when my dad left when I was six. I never understood why or how he could just leave. I was heartbroken, and I think my mom was too. It wasn’t even like he just moved out. It wasn’t like they got divorced and I saw him every other weekend. No, he just completely left and disappeared from our lives. I think my mom said he went out to California somewhere, but I guess he didn’t want anything to do with us anymore, so from that day on, it was just me and mom.
My mom has always been different. She was always kind of, I don’t know, nervous maybe? She seemed to worry a lot, but she didn’t use to let it ruin her life. She was a pretty normal person from what I could see when I was younger. But now that I think about it, I wonder if my dad kind of protected me from seeing more of her mental issues when I was a kid. All I know is things are much different now than they used to be.
Now don’t get me wrong. My mom is a good person. I’m not trying to talk bad about her. It’s just, I think she needs help, and I’m not sure how long I can keep living with her like this. She has become way more paranoid recently and I know she’s trying to keep me safe, but I feel like I’m trapped.
She keeps the house locked down like a prison all the time. Each door has six locks on it, she put bars on the windows and installed security cameras all around the house on the outside and inside. She is constantly monitoring cameras and checking locks like she thinks we are about to be under attack. I don’t get to go to sleepovers at my friend’s houses anymore. I’m surprised she lets me leave the house to go to school. She isn’t in touch with reality and I wish I could get her help, but she won’t go for it.
She doesn't trust doctors at all. She hasn’t gotten a flu shot in years and is convinced that the last time she did, they put a tracking device in her arm so the government could follow her every move.
I don’t know why she thinks the government is spying on her. I’m sure they have better things to do, but you can’t convince her of that. She has removed nearly every piece of electronic equipment from the house because she thinks they all have secret cameras or recording devices in them. As crazy as that is, some of her ideas are even weirder.
A while back she started talking about demons and evil spirits. We weren’t even really religious when I was a kid, but all of a sudden she’s putting crosses all over the house like she’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer or something. It’s scary when she starts talking about that stuff. I know she’s mentally ill, and I don’t believe in all the things she’s saying, but it’s scary when your mom is the only person you have and she’s throwing holy water on you to protect you from invisible demons that might have followed you home from school. And I’m like “Where am I going to go when she gets institutionalized or takes off on a trip to Transylvania to kill Dracula, whichever comes first?
That’s another thing. She thinks movies are real. She tells me stories about when she was a kid, and I would say about 90 percent of them are from movies I’ve seen. So far she’s misremembered her life as including scenes from E.T, SAW, Toy Story, and a few others. Obviously, she is a little confused about what is and isn’t real. That’s not the only thing that worries me though.
The biggest question on my mind lately is what if it's hereditary? I know some people are perfectly normal when they’re growing up and then suddenly one day they lose it. What if I turn out just like her? Really, it could happen to anybody. I’m just scared that whatever is wrong with her is something that’s passed down. I could be just as delusional when I grow up, and then I couldn’t have kids because I wouldn’t want to put them through that.
I try to not worry about it too much but I just don’t know what to do or what to think. I love my mom, but I know she needs help and I’m not sure what to do.
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